I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
