Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
