do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
