I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hippo gnu deer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
