Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
