apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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