Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
