Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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