There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
