Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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