At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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