Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
