you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
