He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
