Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
