LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
