are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
