508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just had sex on a roof
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