I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
