i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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