if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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