I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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