Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
