I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
