Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
