i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
