I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
