he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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