The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
