i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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