Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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