There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
