tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
