I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
