I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
