Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
