i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
