i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
