I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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