so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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