Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
