"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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