Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
