how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
