Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
