And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
