TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
