if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
