I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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