my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
