If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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