i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
