so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
