no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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