maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
