I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
