BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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