Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
