On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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