is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
