Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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