Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
