shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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