so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
