omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
