tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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