so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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